At least I have this blog. Blogger keeps legal records of whatever's posted when.

I am too scared to call the police because I am worried about the emotional and psychological ramifications for my poor daughter at her Dad's house. She already carries such a burden, I wouldn't want to make it worse for her. I care for her and love her very much.

I cannot do what is right because I am afraid of what they will do to her if I do.

There have been other injuries where medical attention was not sought for my daughter and I have been concerned about her safety for this reason at her father's for some time.

A 2000 lb or 3000 lb car runs over a foot, your child's foot, and you don't take her to the hospital and make sure nothing's broken or strained, that she doesn't need a cast or crutches or even bandages? Surely it's not just me who finds this reprehensible?

Yet I can do nothing for fear of what they will do to her if I do.

Catch 22. Kafka's reality. It sucks, let me tell you.

If I call the police and request that they visit the ex's house to make sure my daughter's foot is okay, at least it'll generate a police report on an unreported accident. Then if there are any broken bones or other serious consequences to not receiving any medical care when the accident occurred there'll be a police report, a validation that nothing was reported or done for the girl who was injured.

I'm inclining towards asking for help from the police but fear what the ex and his girlfriend will do to my daughter psychologically if I seek the help that I believe she needs.

It should not come as a surprise to the readers of this blog that I left my ex in 1997 due to domestic violence, not towards me at that point, at least not physically any more, but towards my children.

It seems a continuation of that story, how her Dad's girlfriend ran over her foot with her car and her not being taken to the hospital - they apparently 'drove' by a clinic and decided it was 'too crowded' - it would obviously have taken up too much of their Saturday to make sure no bones in her foot were broken or that she didn't need crutches.

If the woman had run over a stranger's foot and had not reported it to the police and had not sought medical care for the person she hit she would be charged.

How is what has happened any different?

Because my daughter is 18 and thus legally capable of making her own medical decisions, there's nothing I can do about the fact that they did not seek medical help when the girlfriend ran over her foot with her car. But it was a traffic accident and not reported. I can get the regional police in the city in which they live to go over tonight and check on my daughter's foot and make sure she is alright.

Thankfully the ex and his girlfriend are not making her take the bus home by herself tomorrow, but are driving her to Toronto, where they have told her to get me to take her to a doctor.

What are my legal options if any bones are broken? Or if there are serious consequences to not receiving medical care when the accident happened? An accident that was not reported, as the law requires.

And if I get dispatch to visit their house tonight because I am worried sick how will the the ex and the girlfriend take it out on her? And on me (he still hasn't paid the child support I am legally entitled to this month)? Will they make it difficult for her there if I get the police to go to the house, and make it difficult for her to tell me of further infractions against her well-being and safety in their house?

I am a mother whose child has been hurt and for whom no medical care was sought I am more than worried. As you can imagine.

My ex's girlfriend ran over my daughter's foot with her car on Saturday, supposedly an 'accident,' though the ex's girlfriend apparently wasn't being very careful at the time, and they did not take her to the hospital, did not get it x-rayed, and, while they iced it, at least that, my daughter phoned and said they wanted me to take her to a doctor when she returns on Monday. I am, as you can imagine, beside myself...

Three photos, taken with my simple cell phone, then photoshopped to change the colour. I'm not sure what to do with them yet. They remind me of different things. I like the first two, yet can't abandon the third.

What are your resolutions for this year?

Or, rather, what do you foresee?

When I look into my crystal ball I see...


That birds will roost in the clouds and oceans will sweep over mountains;

That life will endure and we will continue our exploration of it all; we, embodied mind, conscious body;

That we will become fascinated with a model of a rebounding universe that blossoms like an opening flower and shrivels to a seed and blossoms again;

That love is, always was and always will be. That we will laugh and cry and be born and die.

On the blue-green pearl that orbits.

This year will see a crop of superb leaders emerge, but there won't be any major revolutions;

There may be food riots, many more homeless people, it won't be easy;

Continued economic upheaval for the Industrialized nations, that we are in the midst of a massive redistribution of wealth due to outsourcing, which is restructuring the wealth of the world;

Continued warfare between the Palestinians and the Israelis, peace won't be successfully negotiated this year;

That our connections to each other through the Internet will continue to develop at incredible rates with information flying globally even as leisure and fitness while still centred largely in the gym will also involve the quiet arts of meditation, yoga, flow workouts, walking and hiking, easefulness.

That progress in understanding and halting Alzheimer's will make old age a more appealing process;

And so on, and so forth, it's a very busy crystal ball...


(Impressionist photographer, Gertrude Kasebier, posted by Lotusgreen at Japonisme.)

While I wait to go to Toronto Tam Tam, my favoured New Year event, and after having done many dishes left by my children, laundry, walked the dog in the frigid winter air, I find myself ruminating on the year that's just passing.

It was a year of shocking revelations for me. Yes, that characterizes 2008.

And a huge amount of work healing what those revelations revealed. It's been a tumultuous year in many respects. I feel as if I've spied the interior of Vesuvius. I hope I rose to the various crises with valour, goodness, respect and help, and things have certainly begun to even out now, but it's been rough going for sure. In that respect, the shock, and yes, denial, revulsion, horror, pain, grieving, all those negative responses, oh they are hard to express, but I am emotional, are not aspects of life I'd like to experience again, at least not to the extent that I have this past year.

I began the year in a contract job at a bank head office with people I loved, and was laid off, the recession already making itself evident as the US sub-prime began its collapse. Then I had another contract position at another bank answering technical emails all day, which was a little bit intelligent, and which I enjoyed, and again, working with wonderful people. Since that ended I haven't worked, which is hard, and takes its toll on the spirit, mind and body.

In November I wrote a novella of something like 57,000 words. I did a few paintings this year. And I began a venture into something I've wanted to explore for half a dozen years - videopoems. While I haven't yet produced anything I'm happy with, I am at least doing something I've wanted to do for a long time. I'll be taking a course on Digital Video Editing in January, and so this exploration will continue.

I haven't been involved with anyone this year since I've been reeling from what happened with the last one, a situation definitely among the "revelations." A couple of men have passed my way and expressed interest but I have to say nothing I would consider - all being married, and that doesn't interest me at all.

And in 2008 I crossed the threshold of menopause, and so am into my third great phase of life: that of the crone. I'm not yet sure about how I feel about it since there are many changes in my body that surprise me and which I wasn't aware would happen, but I accept it as readily as I did menses when that occured at the age of 13.

Both of my children are living with me, my daughter, who's 18, and my son, who's 21. We're very close, the three of us, in good and supportive ways. I am very glad I am able to be here for them because they've really needed that.

I'm sure there's more to this past year, but those were the highlights.

I joined Twitter, and Facebook. Both of which I enjoy. I saw way more movies this year, which was nice. I still have all of my old friends, am blessed in that way, plus some new ones.

It was a year of sweeping up the pieces, and sweeping them up, as calmly as possible, a year when I had to remain grounded and loving above all else, a year when I learnt not to reject what is difficult or painful, another year of living and loving.

In its own tumultuous way, 2008 was beautiful.

"These are the most fragile and the most magical responses to moisture and cold I have ever seen. When the planets align, humidity and temperature are just right; moisture leaves the plant and freezes, creating these intricate crystals. These formed on some Aster left in the meadow."

Photograph and quote by Brian Parsons, used with permission.

(Brian Parsons has been employed by The Holden Arboretum, which he describes as a great organization, for the past 31 years. He also lives on the grounds of an old estate that has a wide variety of gardens so has a tremendous diversity of life around him to photograph. [paraphrased from his website at flickr])


Ice Flowers

asters, flowers of enchantment
whose burning leaves scatter serpents,
talisman of love, and of patience,* blackened
by frost, yet the ice clings to you all night,
your crumpled flowers like clumped hearts in the frozen fields,
making halos, or wedding veils, or intricately carved
pages of divine letters on angels' wings

your flowers become butterflies of light
who've escaped their cocoons

this winter day

__
*in folklore

fog rises through the blue evening, and everywhere pools of water, and the sounds of water, trickling, splashing, like a Tarkovsky movie